Can you go into a relationship without expectations? And if so, how the hell do you do that?

Expectations can take a toll on any relationship. Romantic ones or friendships. Let’s focus on the romantic ones here. Why do we have those expectations? I feel like no matter how hard I tried, I had certain kinds of expectations in any relationship. And unfortunately, I see this in the majority of the ones my friends have them, too. This stems a) from what we are used to from our previous relationships, b) what people tell us relationships should look like and c) what you see in other relationships. And it can ruin the one you have.

The size of the birthday present, the present at all, the way they show affection, the way they deal with problems, the way they fight, thinking they always know what we want are just a few examples of toxic expectations.

The problem is that you’re not only hurting your partner with them, it is the fastest route to disappointment for yourself.

But how do we solve this? How can we be as pure as possible within our romantic relationships? Let me break it down for you.

 a)     If you have previously been in a longer relationship, you are used to certain ways of behaving. It’s inevitable. So when you had a partner that loved to discuss every argument and then you start dating someone who just leaves the room or doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, you will naturally be irritated. All these little things can pile up inside of you and make you question things, simply because you’re thrown off. The best way to avoid this is clear communication and being honest with yourself. Remind yourself again and again that this is a different human being and you should explore the new ways of being together with positivity and an open minded attitude, because you will probably benefit and grow from this new experience. Also: Tell your new partner what you’re used to, so they have a chance to explain how they deal with situations, which will help you avoid unnecessary conflict.

b)    When it comes to relationships, family and friends tend to give opinions no one even asked them for. If you let someone tell you that they would never do this or that, that they would break up with a person for certain things, honey – that might be fine for them, but it shouldn’t make you question your own relationship every single time. Expectations for a partner are highly based on what society thinks is appropriate or “normal” – but only you define what is important to you. And you should stand with these values and simply not care if Sally things that Steve should have already asked you to move in a long time ago.

Know what you want and again – communicate exactly this to your partner.  

c)     Just because your friend got engaged after one year, you shouldn’t expect your partner to put a ring on your finger. Get it? We so often look at other relationships, our expectations growing and growing – meanwhile we forget, that we are with someone who has amazing qualities and that does beautiful things for us, things that maybe don’t happen in those other relationships. Value your relationship as something unique, individual, something that is just between you and your partner. Don’t let anyones seemingly perfect relationship interrupt yours because of the toxic expectations you build up.

 All in all? Stop expecting things. Open your mind and be grateful for what YOU have. A different personality will challenge and possibly change you. It’s all about new experiences.

Not having any expectations will shatter your belief system in the best way possible, if you only let it.

And that’s entirely up to you. 


by Jana