THINGS I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD MY YOUNGER SELF WHEN I WAS IN THAT TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

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Hands up if you’ve been in a toxic relationship before! Well, mine are definitely be all the way up there. I’ve been in romantic relationships or situationships where I should have known better and done better. But when you’re in love, it’s not that easy. Now that I’m older, looking back makes me dizzy on one hand and grateful on the other one. There’s a lot of experiences I made that weren’t so great, but they have told me a big deal about relationships, about what I truly want and about the things I don’t want to deal with. The partnership I have now wouldn’t be the same without them. That’s why I want to share the things I’ve learnt – and if you’re currently in a toxic relationship, maybe they’ll help you.

They aren’t worth your time.
In the end, we are only on this earth for a very limited, short period of time and we should make the most of it. And deep down, you know if a relationship isn’t good for you. Now stop wasting your time! Your gut will tell you if this is your partner for life or not, so make sure to listen to it.

No, they won’t change, ever.
A lot of us have been there. You think you found an amazing person, but they aren’t as into it as you are, but you think things this will change over time, because you can see slight improvements. Girl NO! You are not their therapist. You should not help them get better and you definitely don’t have to deal with their issues. If they struggle with commitment or something else, they are not magically going to change – and you aren’t going to change them. It is a waste of your time and it’s not how healthy relationships work. 

If they are not making your life easier, it’s just not it.
In a partnership, support is key. For example: If you need your significant other to pick up something from the other side of town for you and they don’t do it because of minor reasons like laziness or convenience, it’s a hard no. These little things might seem like they are not important, but in the end, girl, they are. Your partner should always support you and try to make your life as breezy as possible – and so should you.

If they make you feel small, run.
No matter if they body shame you, belittle your accomplishments or emotionally abuse you, it is honestly time to run. This tells you everything you need to know about a person’s character. If they are trying to bring you down and harm your self-confidence, it just shows they are unstable, abusive and insecure themselves. And that you definitely don’t need them in your life.

One-sided relationships are trash.
You’re planning to move in, they’re not even thinking about the future. You’re taking them to every family event, you haven’t even met their siblings. You know where I’m going with this. If you always feel like you’re the one driving the relationship forward, I’m sorry to say this, but they’re probably just feeding you little crumbs, so you stay. Don’t you want someone who is as passionate and certain about building a future together as you are? If so, you know what to do. 

If you don’t trust them 100%, let them go.
Would you be worried if they would go on a trip with their friends? If you’re even hesitating with that answer, it’s time to end it. You don’t need someone in your life who gives you grief or who’s words you’re constantly doubting. It’s destroying your inner peace and it’s simply not worth it. It will make you feel small. Also, why would you want someone who doesn’t want you back the same way? Girl, if you can’t be sure they are on one page with you, cut them off, because loyalty is key. 

You don’t need someone who doesn’t care about your interests.
If you are really into writing and they’ve never read any of your stories, honey, they do not care about you. Because they surely can read. That is just an example of course, but if a person truly loves you, they will want to get to know everything about you. That doesn’t mean they have to accompany you to every musical/football game/concert/whatever you want to see or go to every painting course/pottery lesson/workout you want to do, but they should at least show interest and understand your passion.

If they don’t like any of your friends, there’s something wrong.
Listen. They don’t have to love all of your buddies, but if they never want to hang out with them, THAT IS A WARNING SIGN, let me repeat THAT IS A WARNING SIGN. Why? Well, if they don’t care about the people closest to you, how much do they really care about you?

You’ll get over them.
It’s very possible that it’s gonna hurt like hell in the beginning, no matter of you or the other person ended it. Not every break up feels like relieve, at least not right away. So remember to give yourself time to feel, grief and ultimately heel. Trust me, you will feel so different a month from now. You will feel grateful for not putting up with something, that doesn’t serve you. 

There are many more things I could put into this article, because the signs of a relationship being toxic, are usually many – and they are obvious, but often we close our eyes, because we’re holding onto it so badly, even though we know it’s bad for us. What you should know is, that you will always come out on the better side. With a better life, better self-confidence and knowledge of what you want. So don’t let that toxic person steal your precious time, because you definitely have more important shit to do.

 
 

by Jana