THE CHEATING EXPERIENCE: FORGIVING MYSELF.

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When I was cheated on after four years, my world crumbled. Mostly because I was so mad at myself for being so stupid and believing in something – love – that clearly doesn’t mean the same to people.

Cheating for me is the biggest no-no in a committed relationship, it’s as simple as that.

When I found out, it all made sense somehow because I kind of assumed over the years that something was off, but I didn’t want to believe it. I broke up immediately. I am a virgo, no – the virgo probably – so once you fool me this bad, I cut off all ties instantly.

I am the definition of “don’t push a loyal person to the point where they don’t care anymore.”

With all my heart I can say that this is me.

I care a lot, probably too much when it comes to love, friendships, work, etc. And I am very forgiving, when it comes to love, I can bare a lot, I’d also do anything for you, I am soft and understanding and you can talk about anything with me, but once I get screwed over or people use me, I am so done that you need a new word for done. Sounds bitter? You may think that. But this is my way of dealing with shit and my way of protecting my heart. Sounds familiar? So, when you fool me so badly, I will go to never talking and ignoring your ass on the next day – and it most likely will never change again. I block your number and that’s that. Sounds extreme but that’s how I roll, especially when there is not even an apology.

Sometimes you don’t get closure and that’s okay (sometimes even better), sometimes you need to pick up yourself again and accept what happened but also learn to be proud again and this means not wasting another second of my life on this person. See it as a lesson, even if it hurts. Like I said after the shock of finding out I was pissed and disappointed more at myself for a certain time because I didn’t recognize myself again.

He had changed me over the years, had put my self-esteem down, put me in a bad place mentally and was not where I was but was he ever a person I could learn from or grow with? No.

I only realized this when I met my current boyfriend who is out of this world supportive and loving and caring – overall, he is just a beautiful person who inspires me daily.

Today I have no feelings whatsoever about the ex anymore – not even hate, because we also had good times. After a while, I realized that this was the best thing that could happen to me – it was a wakeup call. And realizing that he had lost a good one. I was mad for a while, but I forgave myself.  Did I forgive him? I can’t say I did or didn’t really, I just don’t care anymore. I know I am not the only one who has ever gotten cheated on (and if I hear another guy saying – “well, men are just like that, it’s in our genes”, I will barf in front of their feet), but yes, in the end it’s easier if you forgive yourself and that this happened to you and hold no grudge in any way. That’s the most important thing I learned. It’s so much better to live this way. It will give you a piece of mind. Now after years passed I would still not “hang out”, catch up or stalk his Insta. No, never. I also never kept a shirt or photos – I erase you from my life, like I said, this is how I roll. No interest anymore whatsoever. Yes, it took the romance away a little and my believing and positive soul for a while. But I got it back once I forgave myself. It wasn't and will never be my fault. I don't blame myself anymore. It’s about being the bigger person after all? I would argue that…

I’d say, it’s about being a better person for yourself and your mindset.

 

 

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by Teresa