I feel like the topic I’m writing about today is probably more triggering to some than writing about my vagina. But let me start at the beginning. At a girls trip a while back our dinner conversation went into a very physical topic and there’s no way to beat around the bush here, so I’ll just say it: Farting in front of your partner and toilet habits in a relationship.

To be honest, this isn’t something I ever really thought about (will explain later why), but from what the other girls were saying, apparently this is still a taboo in a lot of relationships.

The notion that girls don’t poop or that it’s all just rose petals is still absolutely present (I’m talking about cishet (= cisgender & heterosexual) relationships here) – and in my humble opinion it’s absolute bullshit. There is so much shame around women’s’ toilet habits, it blows my mind – and it is dangerous.

Who remembers the scene in SATC when Carrie farts in front of Big and runs out of the apartment? That scene makes me cringe until today. Sorry Carrie, that was ridiculous. But also not your fault, because that’s what society has been preaching for forever – so no wonder you would act this way. But surprise: Women fart and poop, too! 

In my own relationship we don’t go to the toilet in front of each other, but we definitely aren’t afraid to talk about the subject and if a fart slips out it’s no drama or something I would ever feel embarrassed about. Yes, I will admit that when it happened the first time I was ashamed – for like two seconds and then I moved on. But he also never made me feel weird about it.

As I’ve overheard from men around me, there’s two sides: The side who doesn’t care and the site who thinks women don’t poop and shall never talk about their toilet habits. For the second one, the only thing I can say is FUCK YOU. Might sound extreme, but these men have no idea what they are doing to their future children. They will inevitably enforce that stigma on them. They will make their daughters feel ashamed of their natural body functions and they will turn their sons into ignorant assholes. And of course, there are not the same rules for man.

Because as per usual, they handle this however they please – and there are far less expectations for men censor themselves.

With all of that, I am not saying that you have to start purposely farting or pooping in front of your partner to change the stigma. But, I do want us women to get rid of the shame surrounding this. Being ashamed of your body functions is not normal. Society has taught us to feel extremely embarrassed about these extremely normal things. The key to change them is feeling comfortable with yourself. It’s quite frankly a feminist act itself to feel free to talk about pooping and farting in front of your partner if necessary – without tolerating any shame around it. 

If you catch yourself feeling embarrassed about telling your significant other of your diarrhea or if your mortified when a fart slips out after you have been been together for over a year or whatever – girl, that’s not good. Go easy on yourself. And if your partner makes you feel ashamed for it? You know what I think: Maybe he’s just shit.


by Jana