SEX? PLEASE HOLD

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Sex can be beautiful. If it’s mutual it can be of the most connecting experiences every.

What happens if you are into sex

but kinda not ?

When it’s just kinda meh? I always pictured “old” people with a low libido, and us younger people more like crazy about and after sex. When asking around in my circle I was stunned that it’s quite common in our age as well. It can affect the best couple and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But we forget that. We instantly assume something is wrong wit ourselves or our partner is probably cheating.

A low libido can have many reasons and it feels like it’s there but not there. The memories of some of the most beautiful nights is so vividly there and you want to be in this state again, but something inside you just doesn’t feel it.

It’s a toll on any relationship, it’s confusing, it’s frustrating. It’s not just about getting it up if you are a guy. Note that erectile dysfunction is a different chapter but they often come hand in hand. As a woman it’s equally confusing. In my case it was the pill that left me kind of empty and feeling weird. In my case it’s stress and long hours and putting everything else before myself. In my case it’s a lot of worries and overthinking. In my case it’s also a new contraceptive method. Any other chronic illness, lack of sleep or fatigue or depression or medication causes it as well.

What helps: taking about it (duh) - with your partner and if you want with friends. This is super hard, awkward maybe but relieving. Talking to your significant other is key here because it helps getting rid of expectations, helps to understand where it’s coming from and helps figuring it out together. 

There is no normal. Maybe it feels like it’s wrong but you only for yourself can decide. Getting rid of the fucking pressure is vital. If you ain’t feeling it both but love each other dearly is also again a different topic. Going to a sex therapist or couple‘s therapist definitely helps.

Also, don’t let people give you advice that no sex for a while equals a bad relationship.

We are expected to have a lot of sex let alone by society, but if things are off they are off. Maybe for weeks, maybe for months. It’s okay, if you are in this stage - don’t panic. Don’t mute your feelings. Don’t put pressure on your partner. Understand that you cannot force it. Rather talk about it and figure it out together.

It’s tough on anyone and any relationship. Just don’t let it become your forever state or resign. It’s all about accepting. Work with it and work against it - together. Also remember the lack of sex doesn’t mean the lack of intimacy. Don’t confuse it. 

Of course the reason of the lack of sex drive - is yes - also had it happening - that the guy and its peen were busy somevaginaelse. And this is in a lot of girls’ heads or the first thought when things don’t go movie like between the sheet.  I also “Will I ever want it again” is something that crosses the mind, “…or will it stay like this?" All thoughts that are validl. In the end, you can’t figure it out if you don’t talk about it.

Bottom line, there is a ton of different reasons and two people who have to figure it out if things slow down in the bedroom. There are a lot of expectations and patience is required. The most important thing is to raise it and not feel ashamed. To figure it out together in the best case. And eventually having sex again.

 

by Teresa