Imagine the following scenario: You are in a happy relationship with your partner, things are going good. Yes, you have your little bickers here and there, but nothing serious. Basically, you’re enjoying life together. And then you go on your Instagram and boom, there’s a flood of pictures from couples with #relationshipgoals #couplegoals – you see them kissing, proclaiming their love for each other publicly, proposing, gifting each other range rovers and what not. I don’t know about you, but I’m an easy target, because this stuff messes with me. 

Trust me – I’m someone who is very, very happy for other couples and I love to see love and PDA, also online. So why does it sometimes make me and my relationship feel small? Or not exciting/intense enough? Why am I doubting things, just because of what people post on their social media? 

We can’t deny that Instagram is part of our daily lives, that’s just how it is in 2019.

Not just our selfies are facetuned to perfection, also our relationships seem absolutely flawless.

And yes, this is putting pressure and expectations on us and our partners. 

Let me tell you about my relationship for example: I rarely post pics of us, my partner doesn’t do that at all, because he doesn’t believe in displaying relationships on social media. And I’m not gonna lie: This has caused issues before. I’m perfectly happy and in the next moment I see a guy declaring his love for his s.o. on the gram and boom, I’m starting a fight out of nothing. Because of my own, stupid insecurities. It sounds ridiculous, but sometimes I can’t help it – even though I know, my partner loves me and everything is good. 

So what’s the solution? I can only speak from my own experience, and here I can say that what helped me is a reality check. 

What you see online is often fake

You never know what really goes on behind closed doors. But: I’m sure we’ve experienced a friend telling us about a huge fight with their partner but in the meantime they’re posting #relationshipgoals pictures. We know that, but the rest of the world doesn’t. And it is like that with many couples. Remember, that what you see online often doesn’t show what’s going on in real life.

Comaprism is death for relationships

You and your partners relationship is unique. There’s no bond like the one you have. There’s no two people like the two of you . Try to appreciate what you have for its special quirks, for its own DNA. If you’ll always compare, you’ll never be able to live in the moment. And thus, you’ll never be able to just enjoy what you have and be truly have.

Understanding of each other’s love languages is key

Some people might show their love through public declarations, others do it in different ways. It might be acts of service or quality time and that’s okay. Your partner is not a machine. There should be no “requirements” for a person you truly love. Learn to understand each other and to appreciate the way they show their affection and love for you. 

In the end you should ask yourself: How would I feel about my relationship if there was no social media? If you realize that this is one of your ‘biggest problems’, girl, you really have no problems. 

Don’t let the pretty picture (that most likely took 20 minutes to take and at least a minor argument) on Instagram fool with you. Instead, appreciate what you have. And maybe, be one of those good examples. I for example love honesty on social media. If couples actually admit or tell about their arguments or that that they sometimes annoy the shit out of each other. Like every other couple. Because you know what?

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. We all have our challenges and struggles. Real ones. So don’t let social media become one of them.


by Jana