HOW TO DEAL WITH NON-WOKE PEOPLE
…and with non-woke we mean patriarchy, homophobia, Sexism, Racism, Xenophobia, Transphobia and so on.
You have your circle of friends and acquaintances that compliment your opinions, they (most) likely fit into your belief system and have at least similar values. That’s how we usually come across different opinions, mindsets and values once we go out of our regular circle. Speaking of going home to family and childhood buddies, to relatives and family friends where we uncover that views might be different. The older and more woke we become, the more obvious the differences get. Also, our followers noticed and repeatedly asked for how to handle these situations with friends from the past who obviously do not share the same beliefs. We are stretching this topic to well, all not so woke encounters we might come across.
It can be a simple weekend or a catch up with a childhood friend when you notice, your beliefs don’t add up anymore. You are in line with everything else, the memories, the fun, the laughter, the anecdotes from the past. Once you touch on subjects that move away from the usual, you notice the differences. Same with parents maybe or relatives…
A simple coffee and cake time can quickly turn into some kind of awkward messiness, where shades of not so woke opinions surface: Patriarchy, Homophobia, Sexism, Racism, Xenophobia, transphobia and more which you simply do not agree with.
Obviously this an also happen at a dinner party, at a birthday party or a new group of friends you have just gotten introduced to. Can be anywhere: It happens to me on Facebook: I have a lot of old high school friends who are openly Trump supporters which gives me a hard time and leaves me in disbelief. Then you basically have two choices: will you stay mum and swallow it all – which is what we are convinced of never an option – or the more challenging things: be vocal about not only your beliefs, but also go into deep with all of your heart – and start educating. Upsetting you aunt or uncle might uncle or a childhood buddy is one thing,
Being vocal about your values is never wrong
Doing you an educate or should I leave the table?
Here are some hacks when things get heated and dealing with narrow minded, inexperienced, or miseducated people:
Don’t get frustrated
You feel this personal responsibility (which you have) to convince the other person of your opinion. Most likely they won’t just change their minds instantly. Instead of getting frustrated and closed up, encourage them to do their own research. You have been probably reading interviews, books, and more about the topic whether it be racism or feminism or transphobia. Your opposite most like hasn’t. So, encourage them to read up on it, recommend them a book, a podcast or an Instagram account to check out.
This one is hard, so, so hard. It’s seems easy to bury them with your arguments instantly, but try to find out why they have this certain opinion. Try this the next time: Instead of going in with your arguments judging it all, try going down this road first: ask open questions. Get to know their point of view first, find out more and get to know why! This will give you your outline for your arguments. You can take their opinion or misbelieve apart by asking like “How do you come to this opinion?” or “Have you had any personal experiences to come to this conclusion?” or “What pieces of literature have you read about this issue?” and so on. This will help not only you get to the bottom but also inevitably also the person you are talking to maybe see how weak their argument is.
Only you experienced your experience
Maybe they aren’t there yet. And it’s somehow okay. You are further along and can only educate along the way by going into discussion with them. You took the time to get to know the issues, it was you who stayed woke yourself during reading and researching and talking to people. You have your beliefs and they have theirs. Instead of hardening the frontiers by pushing through your opinion (which they most likely don’t understand or take on because they have not had the experience), inspire them to read up on things, getting familiar with it. Basically, have compassion. And approach them with tactics so they reconsider their ideas and values.
Don’t look down on them
Look at yourself – none of us were born woke 100 % and we all continue to learn as we go. Don’t have an attitude on it. It’s a journey not a destination and we are in an ongoing path - and we all still make mistakes and will do so in the future. There is no end on the horizon, we will learn and grow until we leave this earth.
This might be painful, and we are all impatient because we are so wanting and so ready to make our opinion heard, but it’s worth it. Yes, it’s obviously you have outgrown them and sometimes it’s also obvious (after trying all of these tips above) that there are a lot of ignorant assholes out there no matter how you encourage them to go into the topic and bring examples, they will not even consider listening to you and changing or at least adapting their opinion in the slightest way. Then all you can do is cancel them for good. And that’s also okay.