WHAT TO DO ONCE THE HONEYMOON PERIOD IS OVER?
Ever had the creepy realization that the honeymoon phase is over? For some people it’s after a year, for others after more - but at one point it hits you. I once read all is cheery and cute and pink thoughts only for about a year. All is new, exciting, fresh, unexplored. After about a year, you and your partner realize and subconsciously decide if you two fit and go together. After about a year, you two have found your groove as well.
Anything that lasts longer hopefully transitions into an intimate blissful partnership.
A new journey, even though you know each other inside out. You grow, you grow together, you overcome obstacles, you learn the less pretty stuff about your partner, you reveal less perfect things, your weaknesses, about yourself, you face worries, breakdowns, periods of less perfect times but overall this makes you a great team. In the best case you learn and inspire each other still finding each other magnificent and fascinating. Well yeah, the butterflies may be gone when the text appears but overall it makes you smile and gives you a warm feeling in your heart and tummy.
When things become what appear to be “normal”. When everything goes hand in hand and you know your significant other oh so well. Also this is where romance gets less and less. Relationships are constant work and effort. You should never take the other one for so granted that you think she or he doesn’t need an extra portion of attention or it’s not worth it because why not have dinner in front of the TV like we always do. Why stop the surprises, the dinner dates, the let’s get dressed up and go out and have just us.
What’s important though is, finding out if the honeymoon period is over and the natural progression to the next level is about to happen, or if your relationship is on the rocks because of something else.
If it’s the first option, keep reading. These tips may help you bring back some magical spark.
1. Have a regular date nights
Sounds silly because we also feel the comfortability in the space of your own home. Set a date in your calendar. Don’t say “we should go out more...” set a date, say “I’d love to go out” or simply “I made reservations...”. Make it a habit. Leave your phone in your purse. Take this time to talk. To look in each other’s eyes. Recreate the thrill - even though it will never feel brand new you can get to know your partner in different ways again.
2. Bring surprises back
In the whirlwind of dating it feels like surprises always effortlessly just happened and they are so romantic. Picking someone up from work without telling them, taking them to dinner without telling them where to go. Take a trip! Think of surprises! Making a little effort can go a long way!
3. Accept things
Accept that you have reached a new level of intimacy. A new level of bond. Accept that you have grown as a couple. Accept that your relationship is developing. Don’t obsess over desperately recreating that spark when you both met, because it will not happen the exact way. Focus on the now and accept the fact that long term relationships are well, comfortable and feel save.
4. Don’t be stingy on the I love yous
Say it as you mean it. Take 2 more minutes before you leave to say a proper good bye or good night. Hug often. Say I love yous like you mean it. Say thank you, express the things you appreciate about your partner. Don’t just assume, he or she knows anyways. Give attention to detail, because after all, who doesn’t like attention.
5. Not only romance but also passion is becoming less than in the beginning.
That’s normal and you shouldn’t feel beat up about it. Sex can get less over time or less carefree. It shouldn’t but it can and it’s okay. You know each other inside out, you know what your partner likes and vice versa so it can feel like a routine. Also going through periods of having less or no sex at all are normal. Talk about it. Find out why and what you can do to help.
6. Fight boredom
If you feel like your relationship is boring you, newsflash: you are 50% of the boredom. So feel as much as responsible as your partner to make an effort and switch it up. In the bedroom, in your Daily life, on holidays.Try new things together as a couple. Whether it’s a new position or a new gym class or new destination you both have never been.
That the honeymoon period is over doesn’t mean your relationship is over - or you should end it. The very first spark of the six to twelve months can never supposed to last forever - and is not meant to. And that’s a good thing.