For J.and all the girls who are struggling

We were asked a few times now already to write about this topic that girls usually talk to their besties about only but hardly ever in a broader circle. Why? Because of embarrassment or keeping up appearances? No one likes to confess how shitty a break-up is. There is no magic recipe to turn off the feelings overnight. Everyone deals differently, everyone has a different break-up, but everyone will be all right.

Letting go of a boy is tough shit.

Letting go of a boy is tough shit. No kidding! Whatever you had with him was your bubble, your world, your comfort zone. If it ends, it’s close to someone dying. Or it terribly feels like this. A break up is also about picking yourself up again. It’s about being very, very patience with yourself. It’s about accepting break downs and it’s about finding and re-connecting with yourself again.  

That happened to me and a gazillion other girls as well. I lost myself and only lived for the other person kind of and connected him to my happiness. I was only trying to make him happy not myself. When I finally broke it off first it was so fucking hard, and now I feel like it was the best decision of my life.

Open your hurt, accept your hurt

But how do you define or start letting go? Well, your heart has to be ready. It’s good to grieve for a while. It’s okay to not wash your hair for 5 days in a row and only eat crap and stay in your bed. It’s okay to cry so many tears that your head hurts and your eyes are splitting painful. Give the feelings space to be and experience them. But at one point you owe it to yourself to pick yourself back up again. Take baby steps. I think it has to do with becoming proud again, realizing your self-worth and being sure of your decision and accepting the situation. No matter if you dumped him or the other way around. Stay with yourself mentally and emotionally. I feel like us girls very, very often blame ourselves. We always think it was probably our fault or that we could have something different to prevent or save this. Nope, girl! We overthink it and interpret a lot without just coming to our senses and say, “You know what, you lost a good one. The best.” You are fine on your own.

Get busy. Crazy busy

I was not living it up in the clubs, but I forced myself to go out have wine with friends and good conversations, so I wasn’t alone with my thoughts. This goes hand in hand with calling your circle. Get with your girlfriends, not only your closest ones that you share the intimates with (otherwise you talk about your breakup all night in detail for the 56th time and it won’t do you any good) but forces you to do some regular conversations. Look for good energy around you. Not people who pity you and sit with you at home but the ones that don’t accept a no.

Keep a journal

Write down how you feel – keep a journal to get to know your different emotions better and locate them. Read good books about living in the now focusing on the present because you cannot change the past (My favorite is Eckart Tolle's "The Power of Now”).

Work it out

Do something for yourself, make this about you. You are healing so treat yourself with yoga or force your ass to the gym. Endorphins, remember? (Don’t roll your eyes now – it does help).

Get our heart and yourself some pro advice

Go to therapy! Get your heart and yourself some pro support. It’s a super mature thing to do and you put yourself first.

Bye, bye to them damn memories

Separate from all things that hold a memory, put his stuff in a box, through it out or give it to charity. Not because you are a drama queen but if you don’t see shit that reminds you of your ex, it’s even easier. For me, I don’t keep these kinds of memories if someone hurt me. I threw everything (!!!) out immediately and blocked and deleted his ass. Why the fuck should I keep anything? It’s done. Call me extreme but it helps.

Don't stalk (Girl, why would you?)

And, under no circumstances stalk his ass on social media. It makes you look immature and not confident. And yes, if you are the one that was left, you should be so mad that you don't even wanna stalk him. 

Moving sucks but helps your soul

Change your living situation. Even if you keep the apartment, consider moving or drastically changing it. Moving sucks but helps your soul. And set yourself a time line where you at least anticipate getting over your ex – even though it seems ridiculous.

Don’t forget that you heal everyday a little even though you don’t realize it.

Probably you will have a little break down at the exact same time you thought it was going oh so well or at least better. Not because he did what he did but because your heart is trying to cope, and you didn’t see it coming or you are so mad at yourself that you let this happen to you, etc. And guess what, it’s super fine. Don’t forget that you heal everyday a little even know you don’t realize it.

Girl, you will grow from it so much. You will never be the same. And this is a very good thing. It is all either a blessing or a lesson, but you will feel empowered that you made it through – whatever may happen. Remember, everything happens for a reason. So, look forward what the universe has in store for you. You will bloom again.


by Teresa