COMMUNICATION LEVEL: EXPERT
HERE IS HOW
We talk a lot but do we do it right?
This seems like a topic that's always underestimated because we think, as long as we talk to each other it's all fine. We have been wondering if have been communicating the right way?
Here are some easy steps for all of us for mindful communicating with each other, whether it's your boss you are talking to or or mom, a brother or a sister, no matter if it's your bestie who you talk to "like all the time" or a friend that you see twice a year and keep up with phone calls. We believe communicating the right way with each other doesn't only make you grow as a person but also makes you a better friend, partner, daughter, and so on!
So, here are some tips we try to remember during our convos because a convo doesn't mean it's a good convo.
1. Become a better listener
Communicating mindfully starts with being a better listener. Concentrate, look at the person, don't drift off in your thoughts. Feeling heard will connect you stronger and closer. Maybe this person just needed it today after a rough day.
2. Give attention
Give all your attention to person who you already dedicate your time to with this call. People will notice. You will be able to react better and more genuine if you are more present. Plus you sense more of those details in between the line. You will be more aware to things that your opposite maybe doesn't want to spill the deets on, or if she/he is not being truthful or too shy to share more.
3. Be honest and respectful
When you communicate be as honest as possible. Always give a truthful feedback. If you need to think about it, say it. Feedback in general is great to give and to ask for. It kinda wipes the slate clean, doesn't it? Try it! Can be with your boss about performance or with your partner or bestie, just double check with them. People are more prone to think about it and give feedback when they are reminded of this.
4. Don't take things personal
...this especially goes out to things you communicate at work. A rougher tone on Mondays. Don't obsess that this is because it's your fault. Don't take it personal. It's hard to too I think so but it can be done. Just keep reminding yourself.
5. Don't say anything you can't take back
Well, this one is a tough one. How often do we just blurt something out in an argument and not think of the consequences. Words can be hurtful and even when you think oh this was nothing - it can put the other person in a whole different mindset for weeks.
6. Recognize the best way when to talk
This really is key. If you want to discuss with your boss or have a heartfelt conversation with your partner, chose the right time wisely. Maybe it's not good to schedule an important conversation on Monday morning at 8 with your boss. Maybe it's not cool to overwhelm your partner with a serious relationship conversation after he or she gets home after a stressful day and being away 12 hours. Pick your time wisely.
7. Don't be judgmental or ignorant
Hey, we get it - it's so easy to blurt out your opinion within seconds but maybe step back and really think about it. Same goes for seeing things only black and white. If the person across from you is trying to tell you something, try to be open and understanding instead of brushing it off because it's just not your topic or you would do it totally different.
8. Make active and present time
Well, this is a no brainer, kids! BUT: Especially in a relationship, make active time. Put your phone away (we work on that) and appreciate the other's time and effort to talk to you.
9. Silence is beautiful too
Don't feel like you need to blab every second when being with your significant other.
Silence is just as beautiful. We don't mean the silence after a fight obviously.
10. Learn to observe instead of evaluate/interpret
What we mean: Don't jump to conclusions (in your head). Communicate open and from your heart. If you don't feel like it's going well, communicate it in your words. "I don't feel like it's going well" or "I've got a problem with this".
11. Communicate your feelings
Yes, we admit, also a no brainer, yet we don't do it too often. Share your feelings and not only positive ones. Talk about something that's bothering you openly. This will connect you even better. if sth is bothering you say it.
12. Understand your emotions
This is especially important for an argument. Don' just put your feelings out there in a second without knowing where there are coming from or if there is an underlaying reason you happen to ignore. Sometimes we know exactly why we are pissed but we pretend to be "it's nothing." Stop that.
13. Don't listen to reply, listen to understand
Try to rally understand the person you are communicating with. Don't just listen half way and then talk about what you think. Try to understand their point of view, try to understand what it means to them, why they think like that or said this. Basically, have empathy towards their opinions and feelings instead of just giving your two cents away on this.
14. Having a tough conversation ahead of yourself?
Concentrate: what do you want and need to say? listen to your inner voice. Make note! Ain't no harm in taking a little list with topics you wanted to express - especially not in emotional conversations or high pressure ones. It's totally fine. You won't lose track and get off your chest what you wanted.