WHY BEING TOO NICE ALL THE TIME GETS YOU NOWHERE
We are all about being nice to each other, really, but have you ever been too nice? Have you ever realized people use it to their advantage? There are people who always know what they want, the ones that are super direct or dominant. If you are like me, you get taken for a nice girl. At least that is the impression of people who meet you and also people who have known you, use sometimes even a little bit to their advantage. (I ended a big, long and very close friendship over this a few years ago because I felt manipulated). Sometimes you feel it and sometimes you don’t realize it until later or you don’t ignore it. I struggle with it because I notice when people don’t respect my boundaries instead they expect you to give your everything, because you are the ‘nice’ one. Being nice can mean a lot of things: being too considerate, too polite, too mindful, too much overthinking, too understanding, and other things – and never putting yourself first.
While there is nothing wrong with being nice or too nice (because no one needs to be a bitch around here), it’s essential to draw the line (because no one should be a push over).
So here are a few thoughts on why it’s okay not too be nice all the time. For your own sake.
Speak your mind
Learn to say not only no, but also learn to speak your mind. Everyone else might disagree but it’s okay. If you are not comfortable with something or really don’t understand, also raise it. Don’t pretend it’s okay and all fine if it’s not. Don’t hold things back.
You will trust yourself more
When you do the above, you trust yourself more because you stood up for yourself. You feel more in sync with yourself which is a beautiful feeling. You are more satisfied with yourself. Pretty nice, eh?
Call it as it is
When you are too nice, we often don’t discuss uncomfortable things in an extent that we want to. Why it’s bad in the long run? Because you tend to forget yourself. A lot. And you always fall behind. So, go into discussion, show your emotions and show that you care, show that you disagree.
Side effects though: If you stop being ‘nice’, people get thrown off in an almost funny way. Then they probably call you “bitchy” or “moody”, because they are not used to this behavior from you.
After other are thrown off by your move, people respect you more once you speak your mind, push back, say no or disagree. Whether it’s in relationships or friendships or work related issues, they probably underestimated you and realize (sometimes in baby steps) that you are not a push over after all.
Don’t let people tell you it’s a bad thing
I got made feel as if it’s an overbearing weakness, even though people with other traits (over confident or dominant, etc.), probably don’t question or doubt themselves that much.
In the end, it’s never a bad thing to be nice. It’s just if you are unhappy how people treat you because of your niceness, then it’s time to re-think.
We are all about being as you want to be. If you love being your nice ass self, so be it. If you feel like a push over and are sick of it, and want to change something, go for it.