ALL THINGS MOTHERHOOD
WE ASKED SOME AMAZING WOMEN QUESTIONS ABOUT MOTHERHOOD WHETHER THEY ARE ALREADY A MOM, BEING PREGNANT AT THE MOMENT OR SIMPLY CHOSE TO NOT HAVE CHILDREN FOR THEIR RAW AND UNFILTERED TAKE ON IT.
1. You are becoming a mom very shortly. Was there ever a moment when you felt ready? Ready to become pregnant? no. I think there's never the right time to become pregnant in live. For me it was just that at this time I knew for certain, that I really wanted to have a baby with this fantastic man by my side. Ready to become a mother: yes. Nature is magnificent: in the first weeks of my pregnancy I couldn't imagine giving birth and being a mum. But after the 10 months have passed I grew into who I needed to be in order to do this and now I can say I feel very ready. It's designed perfectly by nature, that pregnancy takes this long.
2. Do you have any expectations when it comes to being a mom? Not really - I mostly want to get to know this tiny human being we have created together and then take it from there. What I do expect is there to be much more love between the 3 of us and daily adventures.
3. What are your honest emotions right now? I feel very impatient (for our baby girl to be born) and restless and at the same time a bit guilty (for not granting her the time she needs). My pregnancy was easy and most of the time fun, but I'm honestly fed up with it and want the next phase to begin. Plus: there's a little bit of fear constantly by my side - that something might go wrong and we won't have the natural birthing experience we are aiming for.
4. Your raw and personal advice you would give future moms? Don't read too much, especially no advice books. Don't listen to any birthing nightmare stories. Don't let yourself get scared into Western medicine standards with PDA, artificial induction of labour and all of that. Trust in your inner wisdom. Your body knows exactly how to do this. And: Do yoga!
TASHA TOWNSHEND, NYU NEW YORK CITY
MOM OF HARPER
1. Was there ever a moment you felt ready to be a mom? No amount of preparing can get you ready for being a mom, but I was more confident in myself because of the foundation I had around me. I still can’t believe I’m a mom, as generic as that sounds!
2. How did becoming a mom change you? I’ve changed for the better as a mom, I’ve learn to let things go, I don’t force or control anything and I truly live in the moment. Small things don’t bother me as much as before, example : my daughter enjoys drawing and painting (I have the evidence on my walls, stickers all over my bed, fridge and microwave lol), I’ve just learned to laugh it off and try to put her into activities where she can be creative. I’ve been more careful with my words, if I’m having a bad day, I know she’ll make me laugh, and I try not to take my frustrations out on her.
3. One thing no one told you about becoming a mom? Post Partum Depression is real, and it comes in different stages of being a mom, it could happen while you’re pregnant, right after birth or even years after giving birth. There’s a stigma placed on moms to be superhero’s, but some days we just don’t have it in us. Our bodies change, or interest change, and we sometimes forget about ourselves. It’s a topic that needs to be spoken on more frequently.
4. Your raw advice you would give future moms? There will be days where your child gets on your last nerve, there will be nights where you wonder “what the hell was I thinking”, there will be moments where you question yourself, wondering if you’re doing the right thing. You might have to make really tough and unfair decisions where your child might not understand and you’ll feel guilty, but always trust in yourself and your decisions. There are days where you want to take a break, take it, take an extra five mins in the bathroom, your sanity and mental health is important, if you’re not okay, then everything will be in disarray around you. Take care of yourself and everything will fall into place.
5. What is the hardest thing and what the most rewarding thing about being a mom? Hardest thing, you want your child to enjoy their childhood and learn at their own pace, but you always want to make sure they’re on track with school and doctor development expectations, embrace your child where they are currently and don’t stress. Harper didn’t walk until she was almost 2 years old and now she won’t sit/slow down 😩, but she was potty trained by 2. Embrace the pace on. The most beautiful thing are the random I love you, the random you’re my best friend, the random hugs and kisses.
6. Being a mom is…Being a mom is, indescribable. I’ve experienced every emotion under the sun, and I love the journey I’m on.
7. Best advice you have gotten? Best advice I’ve received from a stranger, that I’d love to pass down “Be kind to yourself”. It was simple, but many nights I remember repeating it to myself and it helped.
RENÉE BECCERA, ART DIRECTOR
CHOSE NOT TO HAVE KIDS
1.You don’t want kids. Theres is a ton of legitimate reasons of why women chose not to have children. May we ask for yours? I mainly have chosen not to have kids due to environmental reasons. However, there is a more sentimental/rational reason too. I'd like to amend my family constellation even though it means taking harsh decisions, family patterns are real thing and I'm doing something about mine.
2. When did you decide or knew for yourself you choose not to have kids? I think very early in my life, I remember saying this around 11 or 12, it is a thought that has been maturing and re-enforced over the years.
3.What is the reaction of most people and why is it so annoying? The usual, "you can't fight back motherhood", "Your hormones will change your mind", "You will have an empty life" but the real classic is, "You are too young to know". It is annoying because people do not know me or know how my life has been and all of a sudden they think they know best. I also think, erm.. WTF? I trying to keep a nice planet for your future kids too!
4. Has it ever been an issue in a relationship? No, I've always been clear about it. I do not allow a relationship to go on unless the other part also shares my mindset. I think there is no point to go on and it'd be unfair to the other part to compromise in something that is, for some people, a lifetime dream.
5. Your tip to break the judgmental reactions of people stigmatizing women for their choice? Humor, as always. Crack a joke about it. I usually say, "But don't you worry, I'll be a great rich aunt!", or something like, "I'm leveling the population census for you, less queues at the ER for all of us!"
KERSTIN ROTHKOPF, FOUNDER OF WOMOM
MOM OF MILA
1. Was there ever a moment you felt ready to be a mom? To be honest no - sometimes I still feel like a little girl, not ready for anything ;) I hear it from my friends very often who say they want children but NOT YET, because they’re not ready, or it’s not the right time, they still want to do so many other things etc… I don’t know if anyone is ever ready for being a mom, maybe we can’t be ready until we are!
2. How did being a mom change you? ...I wouldn’t say it changed me, because I am still the person I was before. But I learned a lot more about myself. Things which where there before but I just ignored. For example, to slow down, make breaks, rest. I needed these things also before having I child, but I just didn’t care. And of course …
3. One thing no one told you about being a mom? ...Haha - there are many things no one told me - of course positive and negative ones. No one told me about this unbelievable fear you have about you could die or you could lose this special little person. Just when thinking about it I start to cry. No one can really describe this unconditional love. The things about your body, all the changes. Some finding back earlier to their former body and for others (like me) it’s very difficult - but well, I am not a very sporty person ;) Ok - that’s not one thing I should tell you - I just realized. SORRY! And of course - what many moms might say - you learn to see the things with a child’s eyes. You recognize more things, you’re more mindful. We all tend to forget that when growing old, to pay more attention what happens around us - also appreciate things more.
4. Your unfiltered advice you would give future moms? Just do it. You can read as many books you want - but things will always turn out different, because every child is different. And most important advice - it’s ok to failure, it’s ok to cry - even in front of your child. No one can always be super strong although it feels like you have to.
5. What's the hardest thing about being a mom? What the most beautiful and rewarding? The hardest thing for myself is that I can’t feel all the feelings I want to feel. I am a very emotional person. So it’s hard for me not to react to all I am feeling like I used to. That I can go in a room alone just for being alone or just can cry when I want to. And sometimes I just miss a lot the times when being independent and carefree. But at the end, everything I am complaining about doesn’t count anymore when my daughter is smiling at me, when she’s looking at me with her big eyes and without saying anything you feel her love. When you watch her growing - how she’s exploring the world, starting to talk (all the cute things she’s saying is everything!) etc. I could never imagine myself to be a mother - but now I am and I would never want to miss it!