A few months back, I found out that a girl, who is a semi public person and lives in the same city as I, is getting cheated on by her fiancé. I was surprised, because she’s pretty much out of his league and they seemed to have a stable relationship. But then I also wasn’t surprised, because well.. come on. So many of us have been in this situation before. I didn’t think too much about it at first and decided that it’s none of my business. But then it kept creeping up on me. And about three weeks ago, I saw them together at a restaurant and it finally hit me: I need to tell her.

Because if I were in her situation, I’d definitely want to know. 

I talked to some of my friends about it and the opinions were kind all over the place. From “you need to tell her now” to “it’s really none of your business’, there was everything. But it didn’t change my opinion. Isn’t this what girls supporting girls is all about? Having each others back, just in case? No matter if we know each other or if we don’t? Chances are she knows, but decided to ignore it or she confronted him and they figured it out. Hell, maybe they’re in an open relationship. But I guess, there’s a good chance she has no fucking clue. I’ve been there, lots of my friends have been there. And back then, a little heads up from other people would have been helpful.

To be completely honest, I don’t know 100% if he cheats on her - but the girl he cheats with is a friend of a friend - and I trust my ‘source’. And that’s exactly what I told her. Before I wrote her an Instagram dm, I of course knew, she would probably hate me for it or even think I’m jealous or whatever and of course, that made me feel weirded out. But I still decided to just text her anyways. In a way, I find it even more cruel if you’re in the public eye and people know, but don’t tell you. Because your partner is making a fool out of you in public and people just choose to take the comfortable road and shut up instead of speaking up. They just watch, but don’t do anything about it.

And as a feminist I can’t accept that or roll with it. Sorry, but if you know about something like this, you have to speak out about it. Just put yourself in this girls’ shoes.

They say, you shouldn’t get involved in other people’s relationships, but in this case, I disagree. If you know a woman is getting hurt and she doesn’t even know, make sure to make her aware of the situation she is in or she might waste even more time on this person. But: Don’t expect her to believe you, don’t expect her to be thankful, don’t expect her to leave them, don’t expect anything from her. All you can do is tell her.

This is what I wrote her:


She hasn’t replied to me. Honestly, I didn’t really expect her to. I’m actually glad she didn’t because that would have made the whole situation more stressful. Maybe she hasn’t even read it. Maybe she read it and chose to ignore it. Maybe she doesn’t believe me. But maybe, just maybe, she’s more vigilant now. Maybe she doesn’t trust him blindly anymore. Maybe she re-thinks the future she is building with him. In any case, I feel like I’ve done my job as a woman in supporting her. I am happy I told her and I would tell her over and over again. Because if we don’t have each other’s backs, who will?


by Jana