I AM COOL WITH MY EXES AND HERE’S WHY

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A lot of people are firm believers in cutting people out of their lives. I am not one of them, or let’s say not really. At least not when it comes to my relationships. With most of my friends, when they split from their partners for whatever reason, they delete their number, unblock, unfollow – the whole jazz. I also feel like this is the number one tip when it comes to getting over someone, but it’s a rule I never followed.

My previous relationships didn’t last for a number of different reasons – it could be because he cheated, because I simply wasn’t feeling it anymore, because I am not one for long distance, there’s really all kinds of things that can end a relationship. They can be bad, good and ugly. And in all three cases, I always stayed cool with my exes (just fyi, this would obviously not the case if assault, abuse etc was involved – this kind of toxic behavior can not be tolerated). You might that it’s purely stupid to stay on good terms with someone who cheated on me, but I disagree. And no, it’s not about being a bigger person at all. For whatever reason, you chose to have this person in your life. You chose to love and share everything with that person, so why ban them from your life? Because they hurt you or it didn’t work out? Because they weren’t, what you expected them to be?

Sorry to break it to you but people make mistakes. 

The concept of loving someone one minute and getting rid of them the other, is just strange to me. And I don’t mean you should meet up with them and hang, I just think that forgiveness and respect go a long way. Mainly for yourself and your inner peace.

Holding a grudge is toxic, especially for yourself. To me, it’s even childish. It’s something that makes people seem incredibly bitter and unaccepting. Every time I hear someone talk really bad about their exes, it mostly makes them look unhappy and nothing else.

My mom taught me that there are always two sides to the story – and it’s true. In a romantic relationship, there is no way to just blame one person for the failure of it. It’s always both partners. But often, this is what we love to deny. 

I am a person who is always trying to not take life as serious and to be as relaxed as possible. As I’m getting older, I reflect more and more on what is good for me and my soul and what actually brings negativity in my life. And being mad for life at someone certainly does. That’s why we should accept our relationships as part of what we are made of. It’s corny but they truly are a blessing or a lesson. If it’s the last one so be it, but then of course that person taught us something. Which is beneficial for us in the end.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in constant contact with any of my exes. But yes, we still say hi and chat with each other, we’re still connected over social media and I certainly congratulate to weddings or babies. And shouldn’t this be the least you could do for someone you once loved?

I just want us all to think hard the next time we want to shut someone out of our lives: Do I really have to do that? Isn’t it toxic for myself? Do I want to be that bitter person? Or, can I be at peace with my ex, myself and the situation, fully accepting that this was not for me? Maybe they hurt me, but I’m willing to forgive because people make mistakes? Life shouldn’t be that hard, bitter and uptight. We should leave room for people even at times when they might not deserve it, because in the end, we’re the ones who suffer from holding a grudge over situations that are long gone. People’s actions shouldn’t have this kind of power over you. Release that negative energy from within you. I believe that only then, you can be truly free.

 
 

by Jana