Like a beautiful meme once said: The only toxic you need in your life is Toxic by Britney Spears. And you know what? They were right. Unfortunately most people find themselves in a toxic relationship at one point in their lives. 

But what does toxic even mean? It can be mean things. Physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse or something that just doesn’t do you good anymore. I was in a toxic relationship myself. I didn’t experience any abuse but I was not my best self and I kinda lost myself a little. When you’re at that point you have to ask yourself: Does this relationship make me a better person? Does the other person make me wanna be a better person? Am I genuinely happy? Is my social life the same since before? Am I living my best fuckin life? If your answer it’s mostly no, then you’re most likely in a toxic relationship.

How to get out of it is a complex story. I collected some things that helped me back then (again - these tips are not all applicable if you experience physical abuse, because this is far more complex and difficult) and I hope that they will help you, in whatever tricky relationship you are.

1.    Identify it. Be real with yourself and ask yourself the questions mentioned above. Answer honestly and you will know! If you’re not living your best life while being with that person, it’s time to make a change.

2.     Drop the hopes. It sounds harsh but especially in cases of abuse of any kind your partner won’t change. And you won’t change them. It’s the saddest thing to realize when you still love the person but you have realize this even if it hurts.

3.     Talk to your friends. Do they see what you feel? Is it already visible from the outside that your relationship isn’t good for you. And talk it out. Once you speak about it, you will feel relieved. You might hesitate at first (it’s hard to admit that the relationship you chose is not good for you in whatever way) but you will feel a lot lighter afterwards.

4.     Have a pep talk with yourself. It sounds ridiculous but standing in front of a mirror telling yourself “I deserve better”, “I deserve to be treated with respect and love” or simply “I can get out of this” and “I have the power to stop this” works wonders! Either say it out loud or write it down as a mantra for yourself. Repeat it every day!

5.     Get busy. See people that are good for you. Plan activities with them. Go out, out of your comfort zone as well. Try new types of sports, go to parties and just enjoy yourself.

6.     Travel! A change of scenery is the best cure because it will distract you and your mind.

7.     Have a back up. If you live with your partner you should have a back up. Meaning a friend or family where you can stay for a while. Surround yourself with positivity and light and it will help you heal a lot faster.

8.     Let yourself heal and give yourself time. You won’t be out of a toxic relationship immediately, it takes a lot of strength and courage to do so. Talk a lot, especially with your closest friends. And don’t be afraid to get professional help either. Some wounds are just too big to heal from within only.

9.     Don’t blame yourself. It might have taken you a while to get out, but you did and that’s what counts. And you sure learned that it won’t happen to you again.

10.  Build up your confidence. Work on it every day, with mantras, workouts or whatever works for you. Being confident with yourself will avoid falling into the same patterns because you will know that you’re a queen and you deserve better. Way better.

Remember: Love is the most beautiful thing. No one that is meant for you will abuse you. If someone truly loves you they will respect you and always, always want the best for you. This is what we should strive for, mutual respect, love and loyalty. Don't stop believing in love because of bad experiences but strive for better relationships that nourish your soul.



by Jana